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“You’re Mean” Summer Camp


If I had a dollar for every time my kids said, “you’re mean,” I would have enough money to open a “You’re Mean” Summer Camp. The mission of the camp would be to make kids stop and think before they choose to make such a comment.
No electronics will be allowed at camp, so kiss your MacBook, iPhone and Xbox goodbye. The camp offers a selection of morning activities. Kids can choose room cleaning or laundry folding. This will be followed by an hour of circle time during which an expert in the field of household stains will give a lecture. Just to be clear, the lecture will cover stain removal, not how to make the stains, as most kids are already very good at that.
Believe it or not, “You’re Mean” Summer Camp provides lunch. Campers may indulge in the all-you-can-eat buffet of toast and carrots. Although no chocolate milk or lemonade is available, water will be given to those who commit to washing their own cup when finished.
In the afternoon, campers will be assigned to scoop poop, change the litter box, or clean the fish tank based on the pet survey submitted by their mean parents. Afterwards, there is an hour nap time that is strictly enforced so that the counselors can actually sit down and have a moment of peace. Children too old to nap will be given a dictionary in the hopes they can improve their vocabulary beyond the word “mean”.
The final activity of the afternoon will be a training session. Campers will listen to phrases such as: “You can’t have a playdate today” and “No you may not have ice cream right now”. They will practice responding with “OK Mom” until they can say it with a bright sunny smile.
Of course this camp has water sports, as every camper is required to shower at the end of the day. Additionally, no child is allowed to leave until they have brushed AND flossed their teeth. With these tortuous tasks complete, campers are released to their parents. The younger children are generally pleased to see Mom and Dad, while the older campers are relieved to have their phones back and immediately post a tragic selfie to Instagram.


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