Deliver Me From Disney

It’s officially summer. My kids have worked hard all year, and I am looking forward to some well deserved down time for all of us. I have a lot of goals for the summer: hang out at the pool, take a vacation, play games, see some movies, and just relax. Also a number one priority is minimizing my exposure to the mindless drivel constantly spewed forth by the Disney Channel.

My kids could sit around and watch this obnoxious programming all day. These shows are so lacking in intelligence that I find it painful to be in the same room when it’s on. And there is no relief if they change the channel to Nick.

Let’s see if I can get the formula right. We need a fashionista female character, a book smart nerdy character, an oddball character, and possibly a troublemaker or really dumb character. For extra fun, we could throw in a lazy butler or a talking dog. Preferably one or both parents will be out of the picture for some reason. Just add an absurd plot line and a laugh track, and you are good to go.

What I really miss are the nice preschool shows. Kids could watch a little Dora and learn some Spanish. I am pretty sure parts of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse were educational. Maisy didn’t even have any talking. How peaceful! If I am lucky, I can get my younger daughter to watch Sophia the First. (I love anything Tim Gunn does.)

It’s too bad there aren’t educational shows for tweens and teens on Disney. What if Austin and Ally wrote a song explaining the Pythagorean Theorem? Jessie could teach all those Ross kids about direct and indirect objects. Stan could write a dog blog about genetics.

Of course, if that happened, my kids would probably lose interest in the shows. So if you see me at Hobby Lobby stocking up on art supplies, you will know I am valiantly pursuing alternative indoor activities. Have a great summer!

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